The Hardest Part of Parenting

For me, there has been nothing more challenging then sending my son to school. The moment you walk away, leaving your child in a room full of other little humans whose minds are pliable for the school system to educate, entertain and influence is terrifying.

You realize that there are so many things that are out of control now. There are things that your child will experience and be exposed to that you may have never wanted them to. You may not agree with the culture of the classroom or the school and there is that moment when you feel like maybe there is nothing you can do. Losing control, that is the hardest part of parenting. It’s harder than waking up every night to change a diaper at 2 a.m. It’s harder than potty training and late night drives to the the E.R. because someone stuck a bead up their nose.

I remember when I was pregnant and my mom told me that it’s as safe as my baby would ever be. I understand that now. Every day, when I kiss his little face and say a prayer that he will have a good day. I’m a little a sad and a little scared as a piece of my heart runs onto a playground.

Why I am Blogging

I had never really thought about writing a blog until now. I quit “working” in February and I felt a lot of resistance within myself about quitting working even though I know that it is the best thing for me and my family. This is the best thing in the season of life that I am in now. Intellectually I know that. It took me a while to really discover why I felt this resistance even though I KNOW that this is what I want to do and this is what is best for me, my husband and my children.

I was worried about what other people would think. I would catch myself trying to explain our financial situation when people would ask “what do you do?” I would feel defensive and awkward.  It has not been a pattern in my life to feel that I have to explain myself or my choices to other people, so why did I feel this way about this? It’s because of how I saw “stay-at-home moms”.

I had started looking online to find some connection with other moms. I read blogs, joined Facebook groups, watched YouTube channels, read books, and met with other moms and you know what, I constantly ran into the same story. Mommy blogs make marriage and motherhood out to be chaotic, demeaning, restrictive and sad. “Being a stay-at-home mom is SO hard”, “My kids drive me crazy”, “When can I drink some wine?”, “My husband never helps me!”, “I can’t even get dressed every day”, “I have no time to myself”, “I lost myself”, “I don’t even know WHO I am anymore!” – these “mom groups” are filled with woman who are unhappy, overwhelmed and angry. They have hostile relationships with their children, passionless relationships with their husbands and some have serious binge drinking problems. It’s sad and it doesn’t have to be that way.  I don’t believe that being a mom is bad. I don’t believe choosing to not work and focusing on raising your children is bad. It’s not a bad choice. I also think that being a “stay-at-home mom” is NOT a job. So I am rejecting the term “stay-at-home mom”. I think it’s a term that was created to put people in boxes. Someone thought that they could divide women into cute little categories. Working Moms vs. Stay-at-home Moms. It’s garbage. It’s divisive and it’s useless.

In Shonda Rhimes book, Year of Yes, she said, “Being a mother is not a job. I find it offensive to motherhood to call being a mother a job. Being a mother is not a job. It’s who someone is. It’s who I am. You can quit a job. I can’t quit being a mother. I’m a mother forever. Mothers are never off the clock, mothers are never on vacation. Being a mother redefines us, reinvents us, destroys and rebuilds us. Being a mother brings us face-face with ourselves as children, with our mothers as human beings, with our darkest fears of who we really are. Being a mother requires us to get it together or risk messing up another person forever. Being a mother yanks our hearts out of our bodies and attaches them to our tiny humans and sends them out into the world, forever hostages. I am devoted to knowing my children, to reading books with them, to hearing the stories they tell me and to the conversations we have. To making them citizens of the world. To raising strong feminist human being who love and believe in themselves.”

I don’t thinking that being a mother is a job, it’s not employment. But I think that focusing your time on being a mother and a homemaker is important and it should be treated with respect. I also think that it is fun, joyful and fulfilling.

I didn’t quit my job to be a “stay-at-home mom”. My husband and I chose to be married. I became HIS wife. I chose to share my life with the man of my dreams. I chose to consider his needs, his desires and his feelings in every choice I make. When my husband and I chose (yes, intentionally chose) to procreate and bring three little boys into this world, it was a deliberate choice. (It’s ALWAYS a choice.) It changed the direction the projection of MY life and it changed the direction and the projection of my husband’s life. It changed who I was. I am a mother. The choices I make every day effect my husband and three little lives. I quit my job because “having it all” is a myth. “Work-Life balance” is a myth. You CAN NOT be 100% in ten different directions, something will suffer. Something will receive more of your focus and attention. I quit my job because it’s more important for me to focus my husband, my children and my home than to focus on my career.

This  blog  exists because I want to contribute my voice to the “mommy blogs”. I have chose to not be employed. I have chose to focus on raising my children. My time is my own and that is my choice. My mission is to create a beautiful home for my family, create memories with my children, spend time with my husband and be present and intentional.  This is the childhood my children will remember. This is the years that will be the foundation my children will refer to for the rest of their lives. They deserve to have me focus on them.

My goal for this blog to provide encouragement to other women who have chosen to focus on their families, to be homemakers. I write as a woman who has chose to be a homemaker, whose main occupation is caring for her family and managing household affairs. I believe that finding a way to make a fulfilling life for oneself stems from character and personality, not employment status.



2016 Presidential Election is B-A-N-A-N-A-S

“Be careful about what you think. Your thoughts run your life.” Proverbs 4:23

“Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life.” – Anthony Robbins

We are facing the most important Presidential election in MY lifetime and I’m scared. I am scared that people will be voting not from a place of knowledge and conscientiousness but from a place of anger and bitterness.

“Nothing has to change in your life for you to feel better. You get to feel the way you want to feel all the time, no matter what’s going on. You are responsible for how you think, feel and act always!” – Brooke Castillo

We live in an amazing country. The fact that we can post the junk online that I see every day is proof that we live in a country that is greater than most. Being born a woman in the United States of America is a blessing beyond comprehension to me living in my bubble of a life. You are reading this on a smart phone or iPad or computer which means you are wealthier than 99% of the world’s population. You want to check for yourself? Go here:

 “The only thing keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself about why you can’t have it.” – Anthony Robbins.

The hostility I see every day from people in my circle of influence is alarming. Facebook posts that are reposts of vile propaganda and lies about the candidates populate my “News Feed”.

False memes and thoughtless reposts… spreading lies, hate and division.

Where are the posts about the issues?

Where are the posts about the platforms of the parties? Have your read the parties official platforms?

Democratic 2016 Platform

Republican 2016 Platform

Why keep posting garbage that perpetuates drama? Really! There are facts and then there is drama.

It’s easy to read a Facebook post, chuckle to yourself and hit “share”.

 “As long as the general population is passive, apathetic, diverted to consumerism or hatred to the vulnerable, then the powerful can do as they please, and those who survive will be left to contemplate the outcome.” Noam Chomsky

When are we as a society going to start taking responsibility for what WE can do? When are we doing to start taking responsibly for what WE say? When are we going to BE the change?  Do you really, seriously think that Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton is going to do something to make your life better or worse? When you are going to take responsibility for where you are in life? You are the choices you make. Spend some of that energy you are wasting hating and DO something constructive. BE THE CHANGE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. Take Responsibility for your life.

I see and hear comments all the time about how much someone doesn’t “like” Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. Since when is it important to “like” the President? You aren’t voting to have the President come to your book club or supper club. You are probably never going to meet a President. So does it really matter if you like them or not? No. It doesn’t.

You are voting for someone to serve as the commander-in chief of the military (Note: the president DOES NOT have the power to declare war, that is for Congress to do), to carry out legislation, to set foreign policy (Note: “by and with the consent of the Senate), to appoint key personnel (Note: subject to Senate confirmation) including justices of the Supreme Court and “all other Officers of the United States”, to present the State of the Union”, and to pardon felons (e.g., President Gerald Ford  pardoning President Richard Nixon). Those are the job duties of the President of the United States.

 “People keep looking to government for the answer and government is the problem.” – Ronald Reagan.

How do you think your boss would like you if they could read every email you ever wrote or saw all your Facebook posts or saw how you treat you family or your kids? Is your Facebook profile private? We are all unreliable narrators, not just in the way we tell our stories to others, but how we tell them to ourselves. When are we going to start making this election about the issues that matter to the future of our children? Not how much we “like” a presidential candidate. Likability has NOTHING to do with a person’s skills, aptitude, education or experience to do a job.

Then there is the argument that everything matters, because it comes down to the character of a candidate. You want to vote based on someone’s character. General personality traits of good leaders are: self-confidence, humility, trustworthiness, high tolerance for frustration, conscientiousness, warmth, sense of humor, enthusiasm, extroversion, assertiveness, and emotional stability.

 “All governments suffer a recurring problem: Power attracts pathological personalities. It is not that power corrupts but that it is a magnetic to the corruptible.”

For me integrity is the most important value for a leader to have. It encompasses trust, honesty, confidence and authenticity, all in one (thank you Emily Ley). But I don’t think that integrity is something  that a politician can  hold close and have success. So making your decision based on character is pointless.

Your beliefs don’t make you who you are, your actions do.

 “Don’t be led by feelings and emotions”– Galatians 5:25

 “Governments don’t want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. That is against their interests. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. And just dumb enough to passively accept it.” –George Carlin

 So much in life depends on our attitude. The way we choose to see things and respond to other makes all the difference. –Thomas S. Manson


I take responsibility for the energy I am bringing into the world and sharing with others.