I had never really thought about writing a blog until now. I quit “working” in February and I felt a lot of resistance within myself about quitting working even though I know that it is the best thing for me and my family. This is the best thing in the season of life that I am in now. Intellectually I know that. It took me a while to really discover why I felt this resistance even though I KNOW that this is what I want to do and this is what is best for me, my husband and my children.
I was worried about what other people would think. I would catch myself trying to explain our financial situation when people would ask “what do you do?” I would feel defensive and awkward. It has not been a pattern in my life to feel that I have to explain myself or my choices to other people, so why did I feel this way about this? It’s because of how I saw “stay-at-home moms”.
I had started looking online to find some connection with other moms. I read blogs, joined Facebook groups, watched YouTube channels, read books, and met with other moms and you know what, I constantly ran into the same story. Mommy blogs make marriage and motherhood out to be chaotic, demeaning, restrictive and sad. “Being a stay-at-home mom is SO hard”, “My kids drive me crazy”, “When can I drink some wine?”, “My husband never helps me!”, “I can’t even get dressed every day”, “I have no time to myself”, “I lost myself”, “I don’t even know WHO I am anymore!” – these “mom groups” are filled with woman who are unhappy, overwhelmed and angry. They have hostile relationships with their children, passionless relationships with their husbands and some have serious binge drinking problems. It’s sad and it doesn’t have to be that way. I don’t believe that being a mom is bad. I don’t believe choosing to not work and focusing on raising your children is bad. It’s not a bad choice. I also think that being a “stay-at-home mom” is NOT a job. So I am rejecting the term “stay-at-home mom”. I think it’s a term that was created to put people in boxes. Someone thought that they could divide women into cute little categories. Working Moms vs. Stay-at-home Moms. It’s garbage. It’s divisive and it’s useless.
In Shonda Rhimes book, Year of Yes, she said, “Being a mother is not a job. I find it offensive to motherhood to call being a mother a job. Being a mother is not a job. It’s who someone is. It’s who I am. You can quit a job. I can’t quit being a mother. I’m a mother forever. Mothers are never off the clock, mothers are never on vacation. Being a mother redefines us, reinvents us, destroys and rebuilds us. Being a mother brings us face-face with ourselves as children, with our mothers as human beings, with our darkest fears of who we really are. Being a mother requires us to get it together or risk messing up another person forever. Being a mother yanks our hearts out of our bodies and attaches them to our tiny humans and sends them out into the world, forever hostages. I am devoted to knowing my children, to reading books with them, to hearing the stories they tell me and to the conversations we have. To making them citizens of the world. To raising strong feminist human being who love and believe in themselves.”
I don’t thinking that being a mother is a job, it’s not employment. But I think that focusing your time on being a mother and a homemaker is important and it should be treated with respect. I also think that it is fun, joyful and fulfilling.
I didn’t quit my job to be a “stay-at-home mom”. My husband and I chose to be married. I became HIS wife. I chose to share my life with the man of my dreams. I chose to consider his needs, his desires and his feelings in every choice I make. When my husband and I chose (yes, intentionally chose) to procreate and bring three little boys into this world, it was a deliberate choice. (It’s ALWAYS a choice.) It changed the direction the projection of MY life and it changed the direction and the projection of my husband’s life. It changed who I was. I am a mother. The choices I make every day effect my husband and three little lives. I quit my job because “having it all” is a myth. “Work-Life balance” is a myth. You CAN NOT be 100% in ten different directions, something will suffer. Something will receive more of your focus and attention. I quit my job because it’s more important for me to focus my husband, my children and my home than to focus on my career.
This blog exists because I want to contribute my voice to the “mommy blogs”. I have chose to not be employed. I have chose to focus on raising my children. My time is my own and that is my choice. My mission is to create a beautiful home for my family, create memories with my children, spend time with my husband and be present and intentional. This is the childhood my children will remember. This is the years that will be the foundation my children will refer to for the rest of their lives. They deserve to have me focus on them.
My goal for this blog to provide encouragement to other women who have chosen to focus on their families, to be homemakers. I write as a woman who has chose to be a homemaker, whose main occupation is caring for her family and managing household affairs. I believe that finding a way to make a fulfilling life for oneself stems from character and personality, not employment status.